Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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