I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
