im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
