some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
