You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
