There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
