You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
