i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
