And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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