i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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