It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
