woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
