Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize