is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize