Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
