I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
