if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
