there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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