We named our party play list daddy issues
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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