Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
