M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize