wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
