Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
