Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dear god my vagina.
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