Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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