I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize