Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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