that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
