You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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