So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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