We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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