apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
