If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
