made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
