I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
