I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
