And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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