the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
