so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
