so that wasnt chicken after all
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
