do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
