Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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