i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
