Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
