Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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