i just had sex bonerless
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
high people should be assigned attendants
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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