I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
