Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
