i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
cat food counts as protein by the way
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize