Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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