Sry I called you an 8
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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