Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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