Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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