i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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