Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
