I hate your face
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
