you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
