I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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