just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
