The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
