I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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