the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
