Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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