yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
