May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
