i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
