you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
