Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize