Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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